Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Puppy BootCamp Begins In Five Days

Finally, four more working days and then I get a vacation.  At long last!!!  It’s been over a year and this year, since I now have dogs, plans have changed.  I will not be “going” anywhere.  But I will be starting, “Puppy Bootcamp” because I have 216+ hours with these hoodlums and by GOD they will be trained by the end of it.

Some of the things they will be learning:

Come This means, come to me when I fricken call you already, for the love of God, get your doggy bootie over here!!!

Shake Because every dog should know this stupid trick.  (If they are really smart, I may teach them how to say, “howdy” to go along with the shake when they meet new people.)

Sit Put your butt, on the ground, right now.  (We are working on this and if it means they are about to get food or to go outside, they’ve mastered it.  If the command is given for any other reason, suddenly they don’t speak English anymore.)

No As in, ‘no’ means ‘no’ and not, ‘I’ll think about it’.

Stay Even if a grasshopper jumps across the road in front of you, you fricken stay!

Learning To Respect My Things And The Things I Bought For You That Cost Me A Lot Of Money ie; indoor bathroom-thou shalt not rip up the sod at each corner and fling it around the entire house with glee.

Get Off The Couch You did not work hard for 8 hours, in the boiling sun that would result in a need to relax on the couch.  Get your ass back on the floor.  If you need something soft, get in your bed.

No Barking! Unless there is an intruder--a leaf blowing across the street is NOT an intruder.

Heel You are not a sled dog and I am never said, “mush”, so stop fucking pulling!  (They may be a little young yet for this one but we’re going to try.)

I Am The Alpha You are not-you never have been and you never will be, I don’t care how cute you are, so give it a rest.

Again, You Are NOT The Alpha Pick up the shattered pieces of your life and move ON.

Cats When the cat smacks you across your nose, you deserved it, you do not get to bark at them in retaliation.

Wait Not “stay”, “wait”...for example, I go out the door first. You are to sit and wait, by the door, until I tell you, ‘ok’. Same with meal times. Sit and wait. I put the food dish on the floor, you sit and wait until I tell you, ‘ok’.  I lead, not you.  I decide when you eat, not you.  I pay the bills around here, you just lounge around and fling grass all over my house.  You don’t get to make the rules.

Settle Thine Self Do you realize what a spastic you look like right now?  Have some fricken class and dignity.  Today we are going to observe the cats.  See how calm they are?  Do they flail around like morons?  No.  Learn from them.

Treats You know, very well, what treats are but now you are beginning phase 2 of the treats training.  Let’s say for example, that you do something right or good such as use your indoor bathroom and I am rewarding you. I congratulate you, throw you a ticker tape parade and then comes time for the treats. You must sit and wait, PATIENTLY, for the treats. I will bring the treat, in my hand, close to your noses but you do NOT get to sniff that treat, lick that treat or gobble that treat...you are to wait, PATIENTLY, until I say, “ok” and ONLY then may you take the treat, lightly and gracefully, from my hand. You do not get to snap it from my hand as if you’ve been starving for three weeks and gulp it down like a snake inhaling a rat.

Down It’s only cute when you’re puppies.  Eventually people tire of dogs jumping on them so nok it off!

Sliding Glass Door This is glass.  It is a solid.  You cannot run through a solid glass door.  Unless it breaks.  It will break if you continue to hurl your body against it every time you see me come home.  Sit and wait, PATIENTLY, for me to come inside.

Once they’ve mastered those, I will then work on teaching them how to sniff certain things out. Drugs, cadavers, cancer, you know.

Any other ideas I’ve not thought?  Suggestions, assvice, comments?

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Monday, August 30, 2010

The Rest Of The Story

Ok, kids, I know this is three weeks later but I did promise to tell you how that ridiculous dinner party went and now that I have the dogs somewhat obedient, I can take the time to do that now.

The day of the event, I did not know it was supposed to be later in the evening, I thought it was supposed to be right after work so I went and got German girl, she came over to my house to get ready.  In the meantime, (since I had about two hours), I had a beer or two.  I thought the beer would keep me relaxed but the more we talked about the upcoming event, the more I realized that the beer was probably going to work against me and make me say or do something that I really wanted to do but really shouldn’t do.  Besides, I was driving so I gave the rest my beer to German girl to finish.

Finally we get going.  The trip was uneventful and I did know where I was going, for the most part, so it was pretty easy to find.  We got there and the other three put out girls were already there.  (Bride, HB and Marie.) And shockingly!!!  they were already fucked up.  The hell you say!  I never saw that coming!

We were in the parking lot, the other three by Bride’s truck so they didn’t see me at first.  They saw German girl and complimented her and talked to her...I waited, in the shadows, to see if anything would be said.  Plus, I wanted to make damn good and sure that I had a clear sight of HB’s face when I stepped out of those shadows since she assumed I was going to look like shit.  (You’ll have to excuse me but a trailer trash bitch thinking she has more class than I do really rubs me the wrong way.)

And I got a good look.  She was astonished.  “OH My God!  You look good!”

I know.

Hag.

BUT, for Bride, I merely said, “Thanks.”

Bride then saw me and said pretty much the same thing and I’m sorry, ok, so I’m not the highest class person full of grace and poise so I just could not help myself.  I said, so that HB could hear, “So, you’re saying I don’t look like a trash bag?!”

Ok, ok, stop! I told myself.  Behave, we just got here.

We all walked in and went over to the bar because the lady boss wasn’t there yet.  The bar tender was slow...painfully slow.  Listen, in this town, you are not hired as a waiter, bartender or hostess because of your skill, you are hired because of the way you look and the service suffers greatly for it.  Apparently this town insists on keeping up an image of what people think the beach should be like and sure, the people are pleasant to look at, some are fun to look at but damn, man, you are going to pay for that with slow ass shitty service.  I’d rather have a mediocre looking person serve me fast and right.

First of all, it took her about 10 minutes to even come clean up the bar so we could sit down.  Then she ordered two girls drinks and before the rest of us could say anything, she walked to a back room to make them.

Woah.  What?!  Excuse me?!  You’re mixing the drinks WHERE?! 

No.  As a bartender, you mix those drinks RIGHT IN FRONT of the person you are serving or right there at the bar for the waiter/waitress to pick up.  You do NOT go in to a back room to mix them, that is bullshit.

They ordered something simple, I don’t remember but it was a matter of a shot of alcohol, some club soda, (maybe?) and a shot of grenadine, it looked like.  I’m assuming, it’s what it looked like not sure what they ordered as I didn’t hear.  Regardless, each drink should take no more than about 20-30 seconds to make.

It took her 5 minutes a drink.

I do not exaggerate.

She came back with those drinks and ordered the next girl’s drink.  Off she went again to the back room.  Are we kidding here?  You can’t remember 5 fucking orders?  You can do them one or two at a time only?  This is the type of bartender that I would NOT tip.  I don’t make a habit of not tipping people but this was absurd.

She finally came back with third girl’s drink and got 4th girl’s order.  I’m the last in the line but nope, I had to wait another 5 minutes for her to make that drink.  Jeezus.  Finally she came back and got my order and made the drink.  By this time, the first two girls were done with their drink and were ordering another round.

Finally boss lady comes in and she orders a drink, we take photos, (I hate getting my picture taken), and eventually work our way to a table for dinner. 

The ordering process took quite some time because the others couldn’t decide what they wanted, should they share this bucket of seafood, should they do something else....whatever, I get it.  It wasn’t hard for me to decide because I had basically two choices-chicken, steak.

I decided on steak.

Nope, they don’t have that tonight.

Sigh, fine, give me the damn chicken.

While the decision process was still going, I and German girl went outside to smoke.  I asked her how I was doing.  She said I was doing good.  HB hadn’t really given me much to say-just being her usual gossipy, bitch self but whatevs, man...she was at least being decent towards me so let it go.

Eventually everyone decides what they want to order, the good looking but DUMB waiter comes over and that whole nightmare begins.  It was chaos.  No one knew who had yet ordered because he didn’t do it around the table like a normal waiter would do.  Since we are all girls, you start at the head of the table and work your way around the table.  Nope.  He just asked randomly while last minute decision conversations were going on so eventually no one knew if they had ordered, if their order had been taken, what did they order...omg. 

He finally gets to Bride, she’s the last to order.  After telling me that they don’t have steak tonight, he proceeds to tell her that what she’s ordering is not what she wants.  LOL!  Ok, I think it’s time for another smoke because I can’t watch this.

I came back in about 5 minutes later, they are still at it.  She doesn’t want that because it’s for two people and when she says, “then can’t you just give me one of this and one of this?” he says he can’t, she would have to order this other item on the menu which turns out to be EXACTLY what she was asking for but she was fucked up on drugs and alcohol, he was stupid and so what should have been simple was not.

Then he had to go check on lobster size for an order made earlier by Marie.  Apparently he did not know what size lobster they had before he came over to the table.  I’m sorry...again, this is where we pay for the good looks but the idiotic mind.  If you know you are going over to take an order for dinner and you are at a seafood restaurant, wouldn’t you...I don’t know...STOP BY THE FUCKING LOBSTER TANK to see what the hell is left in there before going to take orders because maybe, JUST MAYBE, someone will be ordering one of those lobsters?  Am I the ONLY PERSON who thinks this way?  Surely I cannot be the only one.  Surely.

It took him 10 minutes to do this.

I do not exaggerate.

Conversations about work were flying around the table and I pretty much didn’t say anything because um, hello, the boss lady is sitting RIGHT there at the table!  Hellooooooo!?  Not only am I remaining sober because I have to drive, I’m remaining sober because I’m not going to get drunk and say something stupid in front of the second boss.  Nothing positive ever comes from doing something like that.

HB was being her usual self, (oh and I forgot to tell you, she was sitting right next to me...gah), talking shit about everyone but I just kept sipping my drink and listening, saying nothing.  Dig that hole, hag, keep digging that hole.  Boss lady isn’t drinking either, did you notice?

During the course of the conversation I come to find out that all three of them had already been dipping in to their drugs before they came, were half drunk before they got in to Bride’s truck, were talking at excessively high levels on their way to the restaurant and completely missed their turn and got lost as a result.

No shit.  (Let’s think back..."Please do not get out of control in my car.” OMG!  She’s such a bitch!  We know how to act in public!  We know how to behave ourselves!) Right, I must have pulled all of that out of left field.

Eventually our food came, we ate, some had more and more and more alcoholic beverages and were getting so out of control that they were doing that drunk cackling, whoo-hooing, asking our waiter, Destiny, (yes, for the first time ever, I am using a “real” name on Serenity’s Journal because he told us that was his name but I’m betting it was his “stage” name and not a real name), when he was getting off of work, made numerous cracks about having Destiny’s child....basically being downright embarrassing.  See, this wasn’t done at normal conversation levels...this was done at “I’m drunk off of my ass and can’t hear my own self” conversation levels.  You know, so that everybody else in the restaurant could hear us.  I looked around once in awhile and we were getting a lot of “those” looks from a lot of patrons.  I was so thrilled to be there.

What made it worse is that it dragged on forever because they kept ordering drinks and Destiny took about 20 minutes to do anything.  Frankly I think he was hiding in the back telling his fellow co-workers that he didn’t want to come back out and continue serving us.

Eventually we all left.  You know the rest of my story...the dogs?

I did find out later that the other three others were again, out of control in Bride’s truck....Marie apparently fell out of the truck when they dropped her off and Bride and HB instead of helping her to her door said, “Let’s get out of here” and peeled out because they were embarrassed.  THEY were embarrassed by Marie’s behavior.  Bride then dropped HB off and there was a bit of commotion there as well but since it was HB and HB is the one who starts all kinds of shit and rumors and the like, there wasn’t much to that story.

Overall, HB and I did not have it out.  She left me alone.  She was too busy talking shit about everyone else who wasn’t there trying to impress boss lady.  The three amigos got shit faced drunk after doing whatever drugs they had been doing and were loud, obnoxious and basically harassing the waiter.  So, it turned out almost exactly like I thought it would.

And they all want to do it again.

Hell. To the NO!

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Friday, August 20, 2010

It Is To Laugh

How I love it when drug addict alcoholics think they are smarter than me.  One of the things I’ve learned about dogs is that you need consistency, consistency, consistency and if you change the routine even ONCE, you have to start all over.

I learned this one the extremely hard way with Pandora, she who was also consistent in just waiting for an opportunity to take over the alpha role.  So I do know when something has changed in the routine.

These puppies are pretty damn smart, (as most labs are), and they pick up instruction and training rather quickly.  They know, when we go outside, the very first thing they do is go to the bathroom.  They do that and THEN they get to play, NOT the other way around.

I came home after work tonight to walk the little hoodlums and suddenly, everything was off.  Not only would they not go in their designated spots, they wouldn’t go at all.  It was like they feared their usual spots.  And I started to wonder exactly what happened today to change everything, while I was at work.

If you’ve been reading along, you will know that I have a neighbor kid helping me out during the day while I’m at work until he goes back to school next week.  I told him my rules for the dogs, “They go to the bathroom first, then they get to play”.  He nodded his head in agreement.  I showed him where the boy dogs likes to pee and where he likes to go for further business.  I showed him where the girl dog likes to pee and where she likes to go for further business meetings.

But today, they wouldn’t go in their spots.  Today, it took forever to get them to even go at all.  And that is getting on my nerves.

I have concluded that one of two things has happened today.

1) Neighbor kid flat out disregarded the rules for the dogs and now we have to start all over.

2) Another neighbor, who also has dogs and completely scoffs when I tell him, “No, my dogs cannot come over and meet your dogs right now, they are in training and they have to go to the bathroom first”, saw neighbor kid walking the dogs today and despite what I have told him, went right up to neighbor kid with his dogs to meet and play with my dogs.

I’m leaning towards number 2 because neighbor kid is pretty good about following direction and all has been working well up to this point.  I have, however, had issues with other neighbor with dogs basically letting me know he thinks my rules are bullshit.  For example, yesterday morning I took the dogs out before work.  As they were getting ready to do their first order of business, (in a grassy area next to my house), Other Neighbor came out with his dogs.  He saw the puppies and started getting his dogs all hyped up about coming over to the puppies to play.

I firmly told him, “No.” He stated that his dogs were not going to hurt my puppies.  I KNOW that, asshole!  I said, “That is not why I’m holding them close.  I’m holding them close and not allowing them to meet and play because they are in training and must use the bathroom FIRST.  When they have completed that task, they can then play.”

He scoffed and scowled and waved his hand completely dismissing what I just said and continued to bring his dogs closer to my puppies.  Of course now my puppies have completely forgotten why they were out there in the first place and were jumping in place trying to get to the big dogs.  I said again, “NO!  AGAIN, I said, they are NOT to play until they go to the bathroom.  There is nothing further to discuss.  And I don’t frankly care if you like that rule or not.  YOU are not the one walking my dogs at 2am and 4am being eaten alive by mosquitoes.”

He huffed and puffed about that and said some bullshit under his breath and pulled his dogs away.

Once they were out of sight, my dogs finally calmed down and went to the bathroom.  Der.

So, I’m thinking that at some point, neighbor kid came over, was walking the dogs and Other Neighbor came out with his dogs and basically said, “Fuck you” to my rules and allowed the dogs to play before they went to the bathroom.  And neighbor kid isn’t going to say shit because he’s a kid and this is an adult and I’m guessing he doesn’t completely get it what I mean by ‘no playing’. 

I’m almost positive that is what happened today because it’s like night and day in the dog’s behavior.

Therefore, I have no other recourse but to walk the dogs myself and use training pads in the house during the day.  First of all, I’m not putting neighbor kid in the middle of this because he’s only 11 or 12 years old.  No way.  Second of all, I want to confront that mother fucker Other Neighbor and tell him a fucking thing or two if I find out that is what happened.  And, unfortunately, until these assholes can fucking respect my SIMPLE FUCKING REQUESTS with my dogs, neighbor kid isn’t going to walk them anymore, not even on the weekends when he’s out of school and I’m working.

I hate to take that fun away from him...he really does enjoy walking them...but I’m also not putting him in the middle of an adult disagreement. 

And now I have to FUCKING START ALL OVER with training these dogs when going outside and I have to tell you, that really fucking chaps my hide like you wouldn’t believe.  We had made so much progress to have one person fuck it all the fuck up in one day.

There is a possibility it was fault of neighbor kid.  I doubt it but there is a chance.  And if that is the case, then I guess his dog walking days are over, at least where my dogs are concerned. 

So many of my neighbors are complete losers, complete drug addicts, complete alcoholics, completely fucking STUPID and they want to give me assvice like they know better than I do.  Yah, right, I’m going to listen to you assholes.

One neighbor never takes his dog to the vet.  He wonders why I don’t bring my puppies around his dog that much.  Oh, I don’t know, it may have something to do with you asking me to help you find the ticks on your dog, once.  I don’t need my dogs getting ticks because YOU can’t properly care for your animal.

He of the Shitty Underpants keeps his dog inside a cage in the house ALL. DAY. LONG.  The ONLY time that dog is out of the cage is when they take the dog out to use the bathroom and that is about 5 minutes, twice a day.  And they are always yelling at the poor thing the entire walk.  I’m sure as fuck not listening to that assface.

Another neighbor has two doxies that are, for the most part, behaved and he walks them off leash.  The only problem is, you will hear, every single day, and I mean, every. single. day. him yelling for his dogs to follow him to come home.  You can set your watch by it because he gets home and walks the dogs for about 20 minutes and then you’ll start to hear, “Nathan!  Nathan!  NATHAN!  NATHAN!  Nathan, come here gottdamnit!  Nathan!  Nathan!  NATHAN!  Gottdamn dog...get over here...damnit Nathan!” (This is verbatim.  I hear it every day and I also know that when I hear this, it’s about 5:30pm.)

And finally, another neighbor has three dogs and the dogs are very friendly and playful.  But they do not listen to their owner at all.  They run out in to the street, they run in other people’s yards, they are out of control.  They’re happy...but they’re going to get themselves hurt one day because they come back when THEY want to come back.

Then of course, as I’ve said, co-workers like to tell me how to “get a dog to respect you” and, as I pointed out in an earlier post, like to pantomime hitting the dog.  They then say that some dogs cannot be trained. 

No, twat, some HUMANS cannot be trained.

So, I will take over this business of walking them myself.  I ordered a thing for them to use in the house when I’m not home...we’ll see if it works well.  I have hope.  They have used the little pad in the house a couple of times, in the same spot so I’m sure that I can get them to use this thing that’s coming.  And that will make things less anxious for everyone and I won’t have to deal with assholes disrespecting my wishes no matter WHO is walking my dogs.

And, in about....well, probably less than a year, my dogs will emerge and they will see that my dogs listen to ME, not them, not traffic, not squirrels, not anything else...ME.  They will go when I tell them to go, they will come when I tell them to come, they will sit when I tell them to sit and they will perform all sorts of ridiculous tricks.

I long for that day simply because it makes both me and the dogs feel good about things in regard to our lives together but also to show these fucking pieces of shit, THIS is how you train a dog, you fuckwits.

Having said that, I’ll take a moment to make a prediction:  When they see this, they’ll say it’s because labs are smart and completely disregard all the work I put in to it..you know, as if the puppies were BORN acting this way.  Because these assholes cannot STAND to be shown they’re wrong.  Especially by a girl.

I really should start playing the lottery.  I really should.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

You Look Fabulous

Listen, dahlings, it’s all about what you look like and what you have.  To get the best job, the best treatment and the most attention, you must look good and whether the sun is out or not, part of looking good is a fabulous pair of sunglasses.  Yes, yes, of course, they shield and protect your precious peepers but what is most important is how stylish they make you look.

“But Serenity!”, you cry, “I cannot afford that kind of fashion accessory!”

Not to worry my pets, Moda sunglasses has your back.  It is not necessary to spend a fortune, all you need to impress your friends is the appearance of wealth.  Moda Sunglasses will outfit you with replica Jimmy Choo, Calvin Klein, Black Fly, Kate Spade or even the ever so mahvelous, I said, mahvelous Baby Phat sunglasses, to name just some brands on the long list of fashion icons.  They look like the real thing and you will be the only one who knows that you paid wholesale price for your Delish shades.  (Your kids can look stunning as well so don’t forget to dress them up as they are a reflection of you.)

Dearies, do you want to look good?  Do you want to feel good?  Do you want to save money while looking and feeling good?  Then shop Moda sunglasses and make everyone think you’re a celebrity, too.

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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

How?

How on earth could anyone dump these guys?  How is it possible for a human to be that way?

Right now I’m looking at those dog litter/potty things because I’m gone so long and the neighbor kid is going back to school in a week.  Anyone ever use those?  If so, any suggestions, recommendations, advice on products to steer clear from?  These would only be used during the day while I’m gone, not as an alternative to walking...I’m not an idiot.  I know dogs need to be exercised and walked.  I do need something for the times when I’m not here and they gotta go and can’t wait.

I don’t want to do crate training because they aren’t supposed to be in the crate that long.  I did crate training with Pandora and it does work well but I had a job at the time that allowed me to be home more often or take her with me plus I had roommates who would help out.  But I can’t leave a dog in a crate for 9 hours.  No.

So, the only other solution, since I do not have a fenced yard, is to get one of those litter things.  I’ve seen some with pellets, (which I really don’t like), and some with fake grass.  Just wondering if they actually work because they seem kind of expensive.  And I don’t want a product that I have to keep buying things for; I want something that I can just clean and not have to refill with more money.

I am looking at one product but man does it cost a lot.  I guess it may be worth it in the end. 

Plus it’s going to be weird to train them that they can go inside the house when they’ve learned so quickly that they shouldn’t.  Gah.

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Time Is Ticking

It used to be that watches had one function, to tell time.  As the years have progressed, we have moved on from watches being boring, bland and ordinary time keepers to being part of a fashion statement or an accessory that says a little about who you are and what you like.

No longer do we opt for a brown band or a black band, we can strap to our wrists a dolce and gabbana watch, if we want to be flashy, hip and emulate those who walk the runways in the fashion world while still maintaining our own personality.  For example, the Dolce and Gabbana DW0008 Ladies Watch Stainless Steel Gloria Black Dial Strap Crystal is a nice looking watch and is a bit flashy but remains simple enough for my wishes.  I like a little sparkle but don’t want it to be over the top putting me in the limelight.  This particular watch has exactly that.  It’s a nice piece, it looks fabulous but it’s not too much.  That’s my personality, others may like a little more flash and they will have a plethora to choose from by visiting BlueDial.com for their time keeping needs.

Maybe you’re not in to flashy, snazzy and attention getting watches.  Perhaps you’re a diver or pilot and want a watch you can use while you take part in your hobby.  Maybe you don’t like watches on your wrist, maybe you prefer pocket watches-good news, you can find those, too.  BlueDial.com, an authorized dealer of several types of watches all of which are real and not imitations, knock offs or replicas, has a market place full of interesting, flashy, useful, cool watches to fit your mood, your lifestyle and your pocket book.

The watches come with warranties that last from 12 months to 5 years depending on the watch and BlueDial has a return policy should you need to return your watch for any reason.  You do want to read that return policy so that you’re aware of the stipulations. 

BlueDial will ship internationally as well as APO and foreign military addresses and all watches are insured at their expense.  They accept all the major credit cards, PayPal payments as well as money orders.  If you’re really in a hurry and need Saturday delivery, they can help you with that, as well.

It’s time to do something nice for yourself or a friend or family member.  Remember, these days, getting a watch as a gift is no longer like getting a pair of socks for Christmas.  Getting a high quality, genuine, authentic piece of craftsmanship, and in some cases, a quality piece of art, is a great way to let someone, even yourself, know how special you think they are.

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Monday, August 16, 2010

So It Shall Be

Took the pups to the vet today.  Wanted to know what they were, how old they were, how big they would get, were they healthy, etc.

They are Lab mix, the tiniest bit of Chow but not much and something else, who knows.  They are about 3 months old.  The girl dog weighs 13.3 pounds.  The boy dog weighs 18. something pounds.  The vet said to expect them to get double that but don’t expect much more.  That means that girl dog will be under 30 pounds and boy dog will be around 40 or so.  That means, small dogs.  They will not be the big dogs I thought they were going to be.

So.  I’m keeping them.  I can manage smaller dogs.  In fact, these two dogs combined will equal the one dog I used to have as far as size and weight. 

I expect this to be a serious challenge, raising two puppies at the same time as I remember it was a lot of work with just one puppy, so many years ago.  But I’ve learned a lot because of my other dog, Pandora.  I’ve learned where I went wrong and I learned where I went right.  I also have a better idea what to expect in the future that I was very unaware of back then.  I know they will go through what I call the “teenage gangly year” where they aren’t so cute anymore, get a serious attitude, test and test and test again until I think I want to murder them, (of course I wouldn’t and I didn’t with Pandora either so don’t even start to get upset), but this time, because I know it’s coming, I’ll know better how to handle it.

I’ve had them for one week and I’ve already been training them although not too seriously because I didn’t know if I was keeping them.  I thought I’d teach them a little bit in preparation for their new homes but now I can get serious.

So after the vet, we went to PetSmart and got more supplies.  The first time I went I only got the bare minimum; I got collars, leashes, puppy food and a toy or two.  This time, I went all out knowing what I’ll need for raising and training these puppies to be great dogs.

I’m exhausted like you wouldn’t believe.  But I also know, and I do know this because it happened before, that despite how tired I am now, it will. be. worth. it. in the end.  I know that I have to go through this non stop training, the getting up every two hours to take them outside during their housebreaking training, the lack of sleep to correct them when they try to get away with something....I’m about to fall over I’m so tired.

But it will be worth it just like it was worth it with Pandora.  I will get sleep again.  They will be good dogs and it will prove to some who think they know better than me that I do know how to communicate with dogs so that they follow their leader, me, and not the other way around.

I tell co-workers and neighbors that they are in training.  No, I am not scared that your dogs will hurt these puppies, that is not why I’m holding their leash tight and keeping the pups close to me.  It’s because they are in training and just because your dogs passed by at that precise moment does not mean it’s play time for these pups. 

For example, I’m currently training them that when we go outside, the first thing they need to do is fricken go to the bathroom.  Do that and THEN you can sniff around and chase bugs and run like a lunatic.  But not until you fricken pee, damnit because at midnight, when I have to get up AGAIN, I don’t want to spend a half an hour while the puppies are fucking around.  Midnight, 2am, 4am, etc is “do your business time” not “frolic around the neighborhood” time.  That time comes later in the day.

I’ve also had people suggest they know what I mean when I say I teach my dog who the leader is.  “Oh yah, I showed my dog who the boss was, too”, they say as they mime a punch to an invisible dog face.  “But that doesn’t always work.”

Well, fuckface, the reason your way doesn’t work is because your dog didn’t respect you as pack leader, it was fucking scared of you.  Of course it’s not going to do what you want when it fears you, moron.

Anyway, everyone has something to say and assvice to give and treat me like I don’t know what I’m doing but I had a very well behaved dog before and it was all my hard work.  It was not the work of a trainer, it was MY hard work.  And it will be MY hard work AGAIN that will turn these pups in to the best behaved dogs, best trained dogs, most obedient dogs and dogs who can do the dumbest tricks that they’ll have ever seen.

And then they can all suck it.

So, yep, I now have two dogs.  Their names are Shasta, (the boy), and Sakari, (the girl).  I named Shasta after Mt. Shasta in California because it’s one of my most favorite places on earth.  I gave Sakari her name because she is very affectionate and sweet and Sakari means “sweet” in Eskimo.

They’re still learning their names.  They just got them, give them time.

Ok, right now the pups are passed out so maybe I can actually get a bit of sleep right now, too.  God knows I need it.

Oh, just wanted to add real quick, for those of you with pets...I had forgotten about this since it’s been so long since I had a dog.  If you have pets, cats, dogs, anything with fur that gets everywhere, don’t even bother with those stupid rolls of “pet tape” that lifts hair off the furniture and clothes...or at least, some of the hair...and you have to always get more and they really just don’t work that well and are a pain in the ass. 

No, what you get are those rubber brushes for dogs.  You’ll find them in the grooming section of your local pet store.  They are rubber and you can use them to brush your dog but they work the absolute best of anything out there, for getting pet hair off your furniture, carpet, whatever.  I was getting the pups a brush today and saw one of those and thought, >forehead smack< “How on earth did I forget about these things?!” I grabbed one and when I got home, I collected so much pet hair that those waste of money “tape” or velcro products do not get, that the vacuum cleaner doesn’t get and what a difference in the place.

I’m telling you kids, risk the $7 for one, take it home and try it.  See what I mean.  When you start seeing all the pet hair come up so easily, you may thank me by cleaning your house.

Ok....sleep.  I need sleep.

---

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I Wear Shirts With A Big "S" On The Front

The “S” would be for “Sucker”!

Kids, my God, these dogs are growing on me.  They are so incredibly good.  And I fantasize about the things I can teach them, the really cool off leash park with all kinds of obstacle course equipment I can take them to, the joy of having a couple of great companions that will double as great guard dogs, (and I mean that because they are already attached to me and throw an all out FIT when I leave for work in the morning).....

What the hell am I gonna do?

They are learning to leave the cats alone and the cats are already coming out of hiding, walking past them, sniffing at them when they’re sleeping...sure, their guard is still up and a sudden move by the dogs OR me can send them running back to my bedroom but I can envision a future of all of us living in harmony.

I think to myself, I can make the time.  I don’t have a yard for them to run in during the day but I didn’t have that with my other dog in Seattle and we did fine.  Yah, my place isn’t that big but is it big enough?  I don’t know how big these dogs will get.  I forget who said this but in a comment below, someone said they surely aren’t purebred and that person is more than likely right.  They have some purple spots on their tongues...maybe some Chow? 

I don’t think they’ll get as big as regular labs....but I could be wrong.  I really need to know how big they will get as that will be a major determination in my final decision.  At this time, I can afford this.  Can I do this?  Should I do this?

I think the dogs should stay together as they are quite protective and dependent on each other.  I know that isn’t always possible when they are put up for adoption although I do know that rescues try hard to do that if they think it should happen.

Gah.  What am I doing even thinking about this? 

Yah, I love animals but I have been able to say ‘no’ to many.  I don’t like saying, ‘no’ but I know that I have to at times.

But....there’s just something about these dogs.  And no, it’s not because they are puppies...it’s not that.  It’s something about them....I’ve learned how to train and I know these dogs are smart, (Labs tend to be very smart), and I know I can turn these in to very well behaved, obedient, fun dogs.  I know they will protect me if I need it.  I know I can teach them stupid dog tricks.  I know we can bring each other joy.  I know they and the kittehs will learn to live together well and get along and man do I miss having my dog around to play with my cats and vice versa.

Pandora, my dog I had, a shepard/rott/lab mix, 75 pounds, used to play with Serenity all the time.  They would chase each other around the house, taking turns being the chaser.  There is nothing funnier than watching a tiny white cat chase after a 75 pound, always wanting to be the alpha, dog around and around the place.

Gah.  I would love to have a dog again and I’ve always made excuses for not having one since Pandora.  Am I just making excuses or am I right not to have one at this time?  I honestly do not know. 

This isn’t about being smitten by puppies.  Yes, puppies are cute and adorable and funny....but I know they grow up and become big dogs.  It’s that big dog future that I’m imagining....and it seems so promising and delightful.

Sigh....I’m still up in the air on this, not sure what is the right thing to do for them.  I know with a rescue they will go to a good home.  I know rescues are pretty strict with who they will adopt out to, especially with dogs.  I’m not worried about that so I know that isn’t coming in to play with my indecisiveness. 

Man...I don’t know what to do.

---

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I Really Hate People

This post isn’t really what you think it’s going to be about.  Not really.

The dinner/party wasn’t until 8pm, (which sucked because I thought it was after they got off of work and was looking forward to being home by 8pm), and it lasted for quite awhile.  I’m fricken exhausted.  I want to go to bed.

But I cannot do that.

Ok, I ended up going with German girl.  I drove so I had to come back out to where I work after it was all over.  As I was parking the car, I noticed two, young, black puppies in my headlights.  What the fuck!?!?!

Gottdamnit!  Do NOT tell me this is what I think it is! 

I looked around to see if anyone might be walking the dogs, (we have an RV park), but, of course, no one was around.  No one showed.  They have no tags, no id, nothing. 

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

That means that some ASSHOLE dumped them off in the Everglades.  People do this shit all the time and I am getting fucking sick and tired of it.  If you do not want your pets, TAKE THEM TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY YOU FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!

FUCK!

I waited outside, being eaten alive by mosquitoes, waiting, hoping, wishing, someone would come claim them.  Of course that did NOT happen.  Because they were dumped. 

I can’t leave them out there in the Everglades.  They are puppies.  They WILL die.

FUCK!

Sigh.

So, I scooped them up and I brought them home.  What the fuck else can I do at midnight thirty?  What else can I do?  Leave them there?  Hell no!  I could never live with myself knowing they would die and I did nothing.

FUCK!

When we got inside my place, I put out a big bowl of water which they lapped up greedily.  I don’t have dog food so I tried putting out cat food but they didn’t want anything to do with that.  I went and got a sleeping bag and put it on the floor next to my sliding glass door and informed them that this is where they would be sleeping tonight.

They whimpered a bit.  Followed me everywhere.  Barked at the cats, one of them chased a cat or two, (my cats are NOT happy), but I would bring them back to their blanket, (sleeping bag), tell them “lay down”, push their butts on the ground and do a whole lot of Cesar Milan style “Scht!!!!!” s.

They are black, probably black labs.  They are very young.  I’d guess under 6 months, maybe only about 3-4 months.  They are cute as hell and seem to learn quite fast so I’m sure they’ll make great pets for someone.

I put in an email to a rescue group volunteer hoping she can either help me or get someone to help me because I cannot have these dogs.  I can’t.  I have cats, I live in a small place, I don’t have the space or time for dogs.  Would I love to have another dog?!  YES!!!  But I cannot do it at this time.

I thought I was going to get to sleep tonight but I think I’m not going to get much of shit.  And it’s not the dogs’ fault.  It’s the useless, waste of fucking oxygen, asshole mother fucking piece of shit, “I hope you get your karma and it hurts like a fucking bitch” selfish, evil assholes fault(s).

This is the precise reason I hate people.  When assholes do things like this.  How on EARTH can you do that?  How the hell can you just dump a puppy, (or two, or cat), out in the middle of NOWHERE and fucking live with yourself?  How fucking lazy are you that you cannot take these animals to the Humane Society?  How fucking selfish are you that you would put their lives in jeopardy because you don’t want someone looking down on you for turning the animals in.  They know your excuses are bullshit but gottDAMNIT they would respect you more if you brought them in instead of dumping them.

FUCK!

I hope to God someone can help me with these puppies and help me quick.  I cannot have them. 

But I couldn’t leave them out there, either.

(The dinner/party story will come later.  Let me get this figured out, kids.)

Update Here are the photos of boy dog and girl dog.  I went out to PetSmart today and got them nice, leather collars and leashes, (pink for girl and reddish/brown for boy), got them some treats, puppy food and toys.  Contacted another rescue to see if they could help.  The two rescue people I contacted are working through their networks to see if anyone can rescue them. 

After the pet store, where they made many fans, I took them to an offleash park to sniff around, expend their energy and just have some fun.  That worked like a charm because they are currently conked out on their sleeping bag, underneath some towels.  (It rained, they got wet, they were cold.) I wish I could have them.  I wish I had the space.  I think they’re going to be awesome dogs, pets and companions.  Girl dog is sweet, sweet, sweet.  She’s very mellow and maybe a bit shy.  Boy dog is all out there but he learns really fast.  I’m feeling like the dog whisperer with him because he picks up the “rules” almost right away.  I hope we can find them good homes and I hope the people who dumped these dogs rot in hell with festering sores, pulsating and burning for all eternity.

---

Monday, August 09, 2010

Obviously Not Raised Right

So.  Remember that redneck wedding, which, I guess we’ve now determined was more a White Trash wedding, that I attended in April?  I mentioned that the bride was a co-worker and gave all the gory details about the experience.

I thought it was over.  I thought I had done my part and life could move on.  And I was wrong.  Sorely!  Mistaken!

Apparently, last week, lady boss, bride and another co-worker, (Hag Bitch), decided they were going to go out.  They then decided to turn it in to a post bachelorette party for the bride since she never had one.  They then decided that all the girls at work should attend.  (This is 5 of us, total.) They then decided where we would go, when and who would be driving.  Between the three of them, they made these plans without consulting anyone else first.

Come to find out, I was volunteered to drive these people all over creation for this party.  Oh.  How nice.  Thanks for asking me if I wanted to do that.  And then everything got stupid.  Again.  Naturally.

The plan was that we would go to a fish place, (the joy!), to eat and drink ourselves in to oblivion.  It was to take place a week from inception.  (That means, TODAY!  Goody!) I walked in to the counter area and was informed of these plans and that HB would be riding with me, we would go to Bride’s house to pick her up, (since she has the day off), and then travel through shit rush hour traffic to a location about 45 minutes away from us, (really?  there are no other restaurants closer?  Really!?), to eat fish.  (And it’s well known that I hate seafood.  All of it.)

Because I try to keep some sort of peace at work, I don’t say too much, let a lot things go and just deal.  I have to be there so many hours a week, you do what you have to do to just get through the fucking day sometimes, right?!

Because I was volunteered to drive, I decided that I’d better lay a few ground rules for my car.

Oh wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.  I forgot to mention that one girl was not invited.  I asked, “What about Marie?” (not her real name...do I really have to tell you that no one here gets a real name?) HB, who is a lying, manipulative, drama queen stated, “NO!  She’s not invited!” I thought that was tacky and rude and that Marie’s feelings would definitely be hurt.  Not cool.  Apparently, after I pissed HB off, Marie was no longer the target, I was the target for all her issues and Marie was invited.

Ok, back to my ground rules.

Now I’m driving HB, Bride AND Marie to this place.  No one asked me, I was just put in to that position.  I really don’t like driving in rush hour traffic because people can’t drive for shit and I get irritated and usually do everything I can to avoid traffic and idiots.  If I’m the passenger, well, usually I can be calmer about it because I don’t have to concentrate on 50,000 idiots all around me. 

And concentrate I do.  It only takes one good wreck in your life to change the way you look at people in other cars.  So, I stated I had just a few requests for those who would be riding in my car.

1) They all smoke.  I simply asked that they not all light up at the same time.  That’s just gross.

2) Please do not bring any drugs in to my car.  These three do drugs:  pot, pills and rumors are some of them do coke.  DO NOT bring drugs in to my car.  The fuck if I’m going to get arrested for shit THEY do.

3) Please do not act insane and out of control in the car.  (I was thinking more of after when we would be driving home and they would be tanked and stupid.  I’ve seen how they act when sober, loud, obnoxious, out of control, I’ve seen HB when she’s drunk and it’s even worse.  Multiply it by three people, plied with alcohol, I can only imagine the screaming, hollering and whoo-hooing going on in the car on the way home.  I do not need to have any police officer looking at us twice.)

I made these requests a lot nicer than I’m saying them here.  But I did stress that they were important and that if anyone could not adhere to those requests, I would not be driving them.

And the shit splattered right on through the fan.

HB, who is notorious for blowing things out of proportion decided to take it upon herself to get all offended, bitchy and completely twist everything I said so that she could lay down her victim card, YET again and tell everyone what a bitch I was.

My request that no drugs be present in my car was turned in to, “She says we’re smoking crack!”

My request that they don’t get out of control in my car turned in to, “Did you hear?  We’re not allowed to have fun!”

My request that they not all smoke at the same time turned in to, “She’s going to leave us on the side of the road!”

Jeezus Fucking Keerist On A Bagel.

The following few days at work I came in, la, la, la, oblivious to the back stabbing that had taken place and was met with cold shoulders.  Now, mind you, when I made these requests to all three people, all three stated, “Of course!  I understand!” But apparently they did not understand and were highly offended.  So they decided to talk shit and HB came up to me and said, “We’re all going with Bride.”

That was all she said.

GOOD!  Then I don’t have to deal with a bunch of bullshit and maybe I can get out of this!  (I really did not want to go.  I really do not like these people...but I do get along to keep the peace at work.  I just have no desire to hang out with these people during my off time.)

And I thought that was fine.  I asked, “Oh.  Ok, what made you decide that?” Curiosity.  HB stated that they wanted to be able to smoke and that HB might be spending the night at Bride’s house that night anyway. 

In my mind I thought, “Who the fuck said you couldn’t smoke?” but, you know what?  I didn’t give a shit.  I didn’t want to drive these hags around and this was an out.  I would have, of course, but you volunteer me, I’m going to lay down some rules.  IF they would have ASKED me if I would drive, I would have told them no and given my reasons why and that would have been fine but they did not do that now, did they?  So, here they are, all fucking offended because they assumed that I would be their chauffeur and when I request that people behave themselves IN MY FUCKING CAR, they get all bent the fuck out of shape and start the bitch fest.

For days this went on.  My God.

Finally I approached Bride and said, “I get the distinct feeling that you have been offended somehow.” See, up to this point, no one bothered to talk to me about it, you know, LIKE ADULTS do, they just wanted to piss and whine and make shit up behind my back.  Because they are pathetic trash.

Bride pointed out the drugs thing and having a good time thing and I explained to her that I will say that to anyone I know who does drugs and gets in to my car.  Don’t take it personal, I am trying to protect myself.  You can do whatever you want anywhere else, I don’t care.  I don’t care what anyone does as long as it does not affect me.  The second it affects me or has the POTENTIAL to affect me, we will have issues.  It’s a simple request.  Please do not bring drugs in to my car.  Why is that so difficult to understand why I would make such a request?

She said something about cocaine and that she was pissed that I implied she does cocaine.  I laughed at her.  I did.  I then said, “I didn’t say you did cocaine.  I never said that.  I said no drugs in my car.  I know, for a fact, that all three of you smoke pot.  Whether you agree with it or not, pot is an illegal drug.  I don’t want drugs in my car.  How the leap was made from, ‘don’t bring drugs in to my car’ to ‘she said we all do cocaine’ is your issue, not mine.  I never said that.

We discussed how if we were to get pulled over, I AM the one responsible for everything in my car because it’s my car, I’m the driver.  I don’t need the fucking aggravation for shit I don’t do.  Why even allow myself to be put in to that situation?  Why not a little precaution?  Just don’t bring drugs in my car.  Easy.

So we talked it out and were fine.  Ok.

By that time, HB had come out and I stated the same thing to her.  She was all snotty and rude about the whole thing and claimed I was going to leave her on the side of the road for being out of control in my car.  (Hmm...well, then, maybe I was fucking RIGHT to make that request since it appears she had every fucking intention of acting like a gottdamned idiot, then, wasn’t I?  But HB is offended.  What.  The fuck.  EVER!) She stated she wanted to be able to smoke.  She wanted to be able to drink. 

I told her I didn’t say no one could smoke, just please don’t all light up at the same time.  I told her I didn’t say no one could drink.  I said I would not be drinking since I’m driving.  I don’t care if they poison themselves with alcohol, drink as much as you want.  Who cares?

I explained to her the same thing I did to Bride but she still wanted to be all pissed off and put out so I said, rather forcefully, “Listen.  I’ve explained this to you, you took it personally, you’ve turned it in to something it wasn’t, it’s not a big fucking deal, it was a simple request.  I am not trying to offend anyone, I’ve discovered that you do feel offended and I’m now trying to tell you why I’ve made these requests.  YOU are not special.  This isn’t about YOU, personally.  These are the exact same requests I would make to anyone who gets in my car if we are going out.  If you want to continue to take it personally and be offended, I cannot help you.”

That was the end of that conversation. 

Well that didn’t go over well with HB at all. 

The next day, the German girl came back after her days off and she told me that the very first thing HB told her was, “OMG, you missed it all!!!!!” and told her about our little discussion.  Of course, how HB saw it and not how it actually went down.  (See, me and German girl actually get along because we talk to each other like adults and don’t back stab each other at every opportunity.)

So I rolled my eyes a bit and said to German girl that maybe I wouldn’t go to this stupid thing after all because while HB may get away with a lot at work, (again, some battles just aren’t worth fighting and you do what you can to keep some sort of peace), outside of work, that’s a WHOLE FUCKING DIFFERENT STORY.  See, HB does NOT get to talk to me like that outside of work.  HB thinks she knows me but she doesn’t know one fucking thing about me.  She sees what I show her at work.  She does not know me.  And truthfully, that bitch would have me up in her fucking shit face and setting things absolutely right if she spoke to me outside of work the way she does to me at work.  She would not even bother to open her fucking pie hole about me. 

Then I heard from German girl that HB was telling everyone I was going to look like shit.  She assumed that I was going to wear crappy clothes while the rest of them got all dressed up.  The bitch has never seen me outside of work except for the wedding.  She’s only ever seen me wearing work clothes.  It’s not even that she made that assumption based on anything, she’s just trying to make this some sort of attack before we go.

Then I started to realize what the fuck she was doing.  Again, she likes to manipulate and I know exactly what the fucking bitch is doing.  She’s trying to push me OUT of this party so that all the other girls will go, talk shit about me and then have their inside jokes at work for a few months and keep pushing me out of their “circle”.  To make me look bad.

Well then.  I won’t give that fucking cunt the fucking pleasure.  I’m going to go.  And I’m going to act exactly how I always act outside of work and one bullshit word or smart ass comment from her, I will ACT exactly how I act towards ANY BODY outside of work who talks to me like that.

But first, I decided to fuck with her a bit.

German girl was standing next to me yesterday behind the counter while HB and Bride were at the registers.  I told German girl, “Watch this.”

I waited a moment.

I then walked up to HB and Bride and said, “So.  This fish place...is it fancy or what?”

HB said it was like a casual place, they were going to wear jeans.

I said, “OH GOOD!  So that means I can wear these pants there.  Awesome!” (Indicating my work pants.)

I stepped back and watched their facial twitches. 

German girl is trying hard to hold back the smirk.

I then said, (we are still standing behind HB and Bride), loudly, “Hey, German girl.  Do you have a brown marker?”

German girl said, “I think so, why?”

Me:  “Because the tennis shoes I’m going to wear tomorrow are a little scuffed on the brown part and since we’re going out, to a restaurant and all, I figured maybe I’d better fill in those scuff marks to match the rest of the brown on the shoes.  You know, to look nice.  I can’t wear other shoes because these tennis shoes match my work pants and I want to look good.”

German girl is now about ready to split from laughter so she holds her coffee cup up to her mouth trying to hide behind it.

I keep a straight face and look right at HB.

HB is looking at me out of the corner of her eye, eyes darting back and forth to Bride and then to me.  I can tell she wants to say something but she is too chicken shit to do so.  I proceed to stand there for a good 5 minutes and let her fucking squirm.  It’s KILLING her not to say something shitty about me to Bride but she can’t say it while I’m there.  I can see it. 

I continue to stare at her.  She is hating it that I’m still there.  Holy shit she wants to talk! 

Finally I say, “Cool.  Yah, that’s good.  Great, I have my outfit all picked out.  Now I can concentrate on other things.” I then walk away so that HB can spew her verbal diarrhea before she explodes.

Later, Bride comes out and I tell her, “Listen, I respect you.  I’m not going to wear shit clothes.  I’m not going to embarrass you.  Just so that you know, I went out and bought a new pair of pants and shoes for this, last week, because I do have respect for you.  HB is going around telling people I’m going to look like a trash bag so I’m fucking with her right now.  Just let me fuck with her.  You saw me at your wedding.  Did I look like shit at your wedding?  Right, because I do respect you.  I’m going to this because I respect you.  So don’t worry.”

Bride was relieved.  She actually thought I was going to show up looking like shit after that display of fucking with HB. 

And Bride also said she just wants us to have peace and a good time.  I said, “That’s what this was supposed to be.  I don’t know how it went from simple requests to this bullshit.” She said she hoped we could all just go and have a good time.  I decided that, ok, put away my disgust of HB right now, go to this party, have a good time, behave myself when HB pisses me the fuck right off, and just get through this.  For Bride.  Because I do respect her.  I like her.  I wouldn’t hang out with her outside of work but I do like her as a co-worker.

So.  I’ll behave.

BUT, as long as everyone kept their yaps shut that I was fucking with HB, she’s going to be damned surprised when I walk in that door.  See, bitch, I clean up very well.  I won’t say, “Fuck you”, but I’ll be thinking it.

I’ll let you know how it all went tomorrow.  Or later tonight if I get home at a decent hour and it wasn’t boring.

---

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Prescription Sunglasses

Everyone needs a good pair of sunglasses but for those of you who wear eyeglasses or even contact lenses, the best choice is to get a pair of prescription sunglasses.  The clip on or magnetic sun shields are, well, ugly and may not always be handy when you really need them, (ie, you’re driving down the road in the morning or afternoon when you come upon a stretch of road that has the sun glaring right in to your face through the windshield and it’s just low enough that even the sun visor in your car won’t block it.  That is not the time to go fumbling around your car trying to find your clip on sun lenses.) Regular sunglasses are not the answer, (especially if you need your glasses for actions such as driving!), either.

Contact wearers should also have at least one set of prescription sunglasses for places like the beach, (you do not want to get a piece of sand between your lens and eye), or around water, such as the pool.  You may have a pair of regular sunglasses but those don’t always protect you either from the wind, dust and debris getting mixed up with your contact lenses. 

You could also opt for the transitional lenses but I happen to know they are expensive because my older brother had those for a time while growing up.  They are not cheap and it does take a little bit for the lenses to transition from clear to dark and back.  So you can walk outside and wait about a minute for the lenses to darken; you can walk inside and wait about a minute for the lenses to clear, or, you can just put on a pair of prescription sunglasses.

That’s the best thing to do, have a pair of prescription sunglasses.  But they’re expensive too, right?  Some of them run $100-150 or more.  That can be costly especially if you’re prone to losing or misplacing your glasses.  So, what’s the solution?

A pair of high quality, well made and affordable prescription sunglasses from Zenni Optical.  They provide you with tinted lenses for only $4.95 when you order your glasses.  They have several fashionable frames to choose from, several colors to match your mood, clothing or personality and the price of the frames is very inexpensive.  You also get to choose the tint color and density so that your prescription sunglasses are uniquely you.

Zenni Optical provides several frame types such as stainless steel, memory titanium, half rim, full rim, children’s size, etc.  All you have to do is choose a frame, enter your information such as prescription type and PD choices, click “order”, add the glasses to your cart and you’re on your way to stylish, interesting or classic prescription sunglasses.

No more searching and driving from one store to the next trying to find the right frames for you.  Everything you need is on their website, waiting for you.

Prices start at $8.00 up to $50 for the frames making these prescription sunglasses very affordable, personal and convenient.

---

Friday, August 06, 2010

Sometimes...

I think people really don’t get me. 

I think people think I’m mysterious and they get upset when they find out later, I’m not that mysterious.

I think people hate me for not revealing every last thing about me.

I think people think I’m stupid. 

I think people think I’m angry when I’m not. 

I think people don’t understand when I’m joking. 

I think people think I’m helpless. 

I think people think I have no experiences at all.  Apparently, any time I’m new anywhere, that is exactly 5 minutes after I was born.

I think people think I’ve had everything handed to me and they get mad, jealous. 

I think people think I’ve been spoiled.  If that wasn’t so sad, I’d laugh hysterically.

I think people think I don’t know how to do anything. 

I think people don’t think I want to learn anything.

I think people think I have nothing and try to hold that over me as if they are better than me.

I think people think I’m boring and have no goals. 

I think people are scared of me.

I think people think I have more going on than I do. 

I think people don’t respect me.  At all.

I think people think I’m a pushover. 

I think people try to tear me down to their level.

I think people really do not listen to me. 

I think my family never gave a shit about me and don’t care where I am, what I’m doing or how I’m doing.

I think people make a lot of excuses for how they treat me.  It always ends up being my fault, apparently.

I think people get tired of me.

I think people forget I’m human.

I think people think that my feelings don’t ever get hurt. 

I think people don’t think about me at all.

I think people wouldn’t miss me.

I think people just really don’t care. 

---

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Sunscreen

Ok, I said I would let you all know, (or at least those who care), about the Neutrogena sunscreen and how well it works.

First, I want to state that I purchased two different types.  The first one is called, “Neutrogena, Healthy Defense Oil Free Sunblock Lotion, SPF 45”.  It says it won’t clog pores and that it’s lightweight, non greasy, sweat and water proof.

So, I tried that one first.

Don’t bother.

Non greasy my ass.  I put that on and my face was greasy as hell and the problem with sunscreens like this, that make my face greasy, is that they cause me to sweat even more and that is how I end up sweating it all off or wiping it all off with my sweat.  So that one is a NO-GO.

The other one I bought, (three bottles, actually), is the “Neutrogena, Ultra Sheer Dry Touch Sunblock, SPF 100+”.  (Again, the 100 was cheaper by 50 cents than the lower SPFs so I got it.) It claims to have a lightweight, clean feel, is fast absorbing, sweat and water proof.

First of all, yes, it most certainly is dry touch and fast absorbing.  It is lightweight.  I put it on and you could not tell I had sunscreen on.  That is what I want.  It also claims to leave skin soft and smooth and it did.  I did not feel as if I had something heavy, greasy and horrid all over my face.  It goes on exactly as they say it will.  BIG plus.

When I first got to work, it was hot so I did sweat a bit and some of the sunscreen did get in to my eye so keep that in mind when putting it on your forehead.  It will come off a little bit.  Now, it does not come off like the other sunscreens so, I’m not sure it’s 100% sweat proof but it does a better job than other sunblocks.

As for effectiveness, well, unfortunately it rained most of the day today so I didn’t get to really test it out as far as how well it works and how often I would have to reapply.  But the sun was out here and there during the day, between the rain and I did not get the slightest bit of red at all.  Not even a hint. 

I applied it only twice today.

The first half of the day it was fairly sunny so I think it does a decent job.  But, I’ll let you know how it does on a really sunny, hot day for sure.

Still, I’m pleased with it just for the simple fact that I don’t look like I just pulled my face out of a vat of oil and with the exception of the little bit that did sweat itself in to my eye early in the morning, I didn’t feel it or notice it was there.  Like I said, that’s a huge plus in my book.

In other news, I got “confirmed” for my vacation in September.  By “confirmed” I mean, the boss wrote it in the calendar but!  I’ve worked here long enough to know that doesn’t mean shit until the actual days come up.  I’ll more than likely get it, in fact I would say I am prepared to have it but I will not say, 100%, guarantee, yessiree, because I’ve been here too long and I’ve seen people have their vacations pulled at the last minute.  But September is our slowest month of the year, our boss tells us to request vacation during that month and since people were starting to ask for days here and there, I made sure to get my request in early before someone else decided they wanted those days.

If all goes well, I will be off September 6-15th. 

And do you know what I’ll do on those days?

I’m going to sleep.  And sleep some more.  And when I’ve done all that sleeping, I’m going to roll over and sleep even more.

Then I’m going to do some yardwork I’ve been needing to do, clean the outside of my house, get all those boring household stocking up and cleaning things done for the year and be done with it.

And then?

I’ll probably do a little sleeping.

After that, I’m going to take a day or two and do nothing but lie in my bed and watch really shitty day time television. 

I may also visit another air boat place just to see how they do things...and be the fucking tourist for a change.

Plus, I should have my brand new Kindle at that time, (yes, I caved, but you should see how beautiful it is and besides, I can always sell my current Kindle and make up the money so it would be like it was free or I may get more than the new Kindle costs because they will be running out of the version I have, (in fact, it’s already hard to come by), and people want that version so....why yes, I am trying to justify it to myself, still), and I can play around with that on my vacation.

Which reminds me, I’ll also do a LOT of reading, when I’m not sleeping and watching crap television.

And finally, a question.

Does anyone know how I would go about setting up something to gather donations for a particular group?  I mean, yes, people could donate to the group themselves but I would love to be able to present this group with a big check as a thank you for something they did for me.  But I have no idea how I set that up.  Or am I even allowed to do that?  And what about skeptics who won’t believe that I am taking donations to give to this group?  Is this something anyone has ever done before?  Surely I cannot be the first.

OH!  And something else I will do on my vacation-write that story about the cats that I’ve been promising for the longest time to finish and put up.  Now that I have my wireless router working again and will have the time, the blessed, peaceful time, to complete this story, I will do that.

And you’ll see why I want to set up something to gather donations.  You will indeed see.  And maybe, if I write my story well enough, I’ll actually move you, emotionally, enough to want to donate. 

But that’s all I’m going to say about that now, I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

So, again, if any of you know, like, know for sure, 100% and not just guessing, let me know if that’s something I can do, am allowed to do and how I would do it.

Aaaaaand finally, finally, I know these last few posts have not been all that ranty and venty and shit but I don’t have too much to be bitching about right now.  I mean, I could tell you about the Italian fucker on my boat today who took my tips from me but you know what?  Karma will get him and it’s my bed time anyway so maybe another time.  But don’t worry, kids, with the state of people today, their entitlement issues, their stupidity, their VAPIDNESS, I’m sure there will be something very, very, very soon.

Lastly, why is it that every time I’ve gone in to a store, recently, the power goes out and I’m left in the dark for a few moments while their generator tries to kick in?  I shit you not.

Not too long ago I was in Target.  Minding my own business, picking up some things I need when BAM!  Full darkness.  I mean, FULL darkness.  There I was, looking at pillows, (yes, I needed them because one of my cats shredded the other two trying to get to the feathers), when suddenly I couldn’t see a damn thing.

The lights came back on for about 30 seconds and then BAM!  Out they went again.  Eventually the generator kicked in and all was well but that was...interesting.

Then, on Monday, I was at Publix getting supplies.  There I was, shopping along and BAM!  Lights went out.  It wasn’t total darkness as they had “running lights” or whatever but I was like, “What the fuck with me and stores and their lights, lately?” Eventually their generator kicked in and all was well but kids, seriously....it reminds me of that time some cheap pieces of shit called tourists totally stiffed me on my boat tour and it was during one of my “10 day in a row work week” days and I was tired, pissed off and not in the mood to be shit on by a bunch of asshole tourists so I walked to our break area, vented to a co-worker loudly, threw my Gatorade bottle down on the ground as hard as I could, wheeled around and stared at those assholes HARD, while they stared back at me watching me throw a fit as they waited in line to watch the wildlife show and then BANG!!!!!!!!  the transformer blew right behind me.  It scared the shit out of the tourists and many of them were looking at me as if I had done something and I didn’t even flinch when the transformer blew, just kept staring at them, gauging their reaction and thought to myself, “That’s right, mother fuckers!  I DID THAT with my mind!  That’s how fucking powerful and pissed I am right now because of you cheap bastards so DO NOT CROSS ME!  I suggest you all reach in to your wallets and fucking TIP ME, pricks!  You see what I did to the transformer?  Just THINK what I can do to you with my mind!  Don’t fucking TRY ME!”

But then they all realized it was the transformer and got over it, (although I swear I saw one or two still eyeing me suspiciously; looking at me, then up at the transformer, then back at me, then back up at the transformer...wondering...wondering....could it be? Nah, that’s ridiculous...although, I have read...NO!  No, not possible, I’ll just avert my eyes now because I just don’t know and no sense in taking any chances), much to my dismay.

Maybe I can do things with my mind.  I used to have dreams all the time that I would move things with my mind.  Then I wake up and am SO disappointed that it’s not real. 

Speaking of dreaming, time to go do some of that.

---

Monday, August 02, 2010

Have A Drink On Me

Today is my birthday.  I’m in my last decade before I’m considered, “old”. 

To celebrate, I got myself a piece of cake and bought cat toys for the cats.

At least I didn’t have to work today.

Feel free to give.

And drink merrily.

---

Friday, July 30, 2010

Charbroiled

If you would indulge me for a moment while I whine.

Because I work outside all day, I do my best to keep covered up as much as possible as well as slather on the sun screen.  I’ve seen what the sun can do to people’s skin and how it ages people way before their time.  Plus there’s that whole skin cancer thing I’d rather not experience.

Being that I have Irish blood coursing through my veins, it means I’m extra white.  Even when I’m tan, I’m still pretty much the whitest person around.  I wear long pants, a long sleeve t-shirt under my uniform shirt and when out on a boat, wear a hat and sunglasses.  And, like I said, am constantly putting on the sunscreen and chapstick.

But kids, my God today was so fricken hot.  HOT, I tell you.  Scorching.  Unbearable.  INhumane.

And I got charred, fried, burnt to a crisp.  (My face.)

See, in, say, WA state, I could be in the sun about 2 hours before I would start to get a burn.  Here?  It’s like 10 minutes.  Yep, that’s all it takes.  So again, constantly slathering on the lotion.

I could feel my face getting hotter, feel it burning, it hurts right now, (don’t even start with the jokes, I will cut you), and I was wondering how the hell that happened when I am so conscious about protecting myself.

You know how?

Because it was so fucking hot that every time I put the sunscreen on, I would sweat it right the hell back off in less than a minute.  I didn’t realize this until too late today.  I cannot remember the last time I have ever burnt my face like this. 

IT BURNS!  (Exorcist voice)

I still have two more days I have to be out in the boiling ass furnace and guess what?  Those days will be HOT AS HELL as well!  I’m so thrilled I can hardly stand it. 

You know, I think the Chinese are on to something with that “welder’s mask” visor they like to wear.  Looks stupid as hell but I bet it works.  How many burnt Chinese have you ever seen?

Anyway, that’s all.  I just wanted to come on here and feel sorry for myself for a minute as well as write this out so that I remember it for the future.  Note to self:  Find a solution.  This is not good.

Oh, in other news, I did finally get my car back.  Have had it back for about two weeks now.  They did a pretty darn good job on it.  They even did the alignment.  That meant I had to get two new tires on the front so I did that on the weekend after getting the car back.

Kids, that is about the straightest alignment I’ve ever had on a car. EVAH!!!1!!1!!  I drove back home and because the traffic was light, I got it up to 60mph, (in a 45 zone...don’t tell the cops), and went about 1/2 a mile without touching the steering wheel.  (I chose this particular area because the road is nice and smooth and flat there.) The car did not even attempt to pull to one side or the other.  I’m damn impressed. 

You can tell that the left side is a bit different color than the right side but only if you are specifically looking for that.  Any random person probably would not be able to tell.  They did a damn good job getting that color as close to the original as possible.  (Plus the left side is shinier.)

AND, the repair shop even fixed a slight scratch and small dent that was not from the accident but had been there since I got the car.  (They knew this as my insurance company requires us to take it in for inspection before we get the policy for this very reason.) But they did it “free of charge” as a way to make up for taking so fucking long fixing the car.

So, like, my car is practically brand new.  Or looks that way, anyway.  It took too long but I’m pleased with the results. 

Now I get to see if I ever get my deductible back.  Said it could take 30-45 days or so.

And in other, other news....yesterday and today were Cry’s days off and I wasn’t about to let him cut that tree down out of childish spite so I backed my car up in to the base of the tree leaving him NO ROOM at all to do a damn thing.  I found another way to get to work.  Ha, ha asshole.  And I will keep doing this every Thursday and Friday until he gets the fuck over himself.

And finally, there is a new Kindle out.  And it looks sweet.  And I’m thinking....get my deductible back, maybe I’ll plunk down the $189 to get it.  Not sure yet.  I hate spending money but it’s pretty hard to resist the new Kindle.  I am going back and forth with myself. 

“You don’t need it, your current Kindle works perfectly fine.”

“Yes, but, this one has all kinds of new features and it’s smaller and sleeker and has more space and you can have more books and reading leads to serious intelligence and while you are already insanely intelligent, you can never stop learning and think of what a power house you could be with 3500 books worth of intelligence!”

“Are you mad?  Why on earth do you need to carry around 3500 books at one time?  You can’t even possibly read that many books in a lifetime.”

“But you could give it a valiant try!  And then you’ll know everything and you’ll rule the world and everyone will be your minions and have to do what you say and you’ve got a couple of people on your shit list who you would love to fuck with and make their lives miserable as hell as they do your bidding; it would be sweet nectar revenge.”

“Hmmm, well, you do bring up a good counter argument with that one.  We’ll think about it.”

See?  How can I resist?

---

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Pack It Right

So, you’re moving.  Moving is stressful and you don’t want to have to worry about your things, your stuff, your fine china, your breakable tchotchke, (including that hideous ceramic chicken cookie jar that your aunt gave you because she’s coming to throw you a house warming party and you have to display it in the kitchen lest you hurt her feelings).  You need some peace of mind when moving and that means you need good packing material.

Back in the day, when you were a college student, it was ok for you to go to the grocery store and beg for fruit and vegetable boxes but that won’t do anymore.  You have worked hard.  You have new stuff.  You have better stuff.  You actually care about your stuff now and you do not want it torn, ripped, dented or broken.

So you’re going to need some good boxes, furniture pads, tape, etc.  But moving is expensive and you don’t want to spend a lot of money on these supplies.  You need discount moving boxes. 

At upack.com you can find everything you need to make your transition a little easier.  They have different packs you can purchase including a starter kit, a kitchen pack and on, all the way up to the deluxe moving package that is enough for a 21-28’ moving trailer or about a 3 bedroom home.  They even have wardrobe boxes for all of your hanging clothes so that you don’t find yourself in the middle of the floor of your new place at 1am trying to untangle all of those hangers and having to rehang everything.  The wardrobe boxes come with a bar that extends from one side of the box to the other and can hold up to about 24” of closet space per box.  At only $14.50 a box, that is well worth the price to save you from a horrid hanger nightmare.

Not quite sure how many boxes you’ll need?  Don’t know what package is right for you?  You can use the “moving box estimator” to assist you.  Based on trailer size or number of rooms in the house, the moving box estimator takes the guess work out of it for you.  You will get what you need-not too many, not too few.

To add even more icing on the cake, or to relieve a little more stress in your life, any order over $150 comes with free shipping because when it comes to moving, you really need to hear the word, “free”, once in awhile.

One of the hardest things about moving is the packing-where should you put things, where do you start?  It’s all so overwhelming!  Let the experts guide you and help you so that when you arrive at your new home, you’re not a frazzled, sweaty, crazed mess.  You’ll know where everything is and you’ll know it got there safely.

Oh and if you need help moving?  Contact upack again because...um, I’m busy for the next couple of weeks.

---

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Trial Run

We’ll see how this goes.

So there I was, innocently sipping on a Diet Coke when my neighbor walked by.  I, stupidly, asked him if he had gotten his air conditioner fixed yet.  See, last week, this lonely, miserable, complaining fuck had a guest over, a girl guest, (not like that...although I’m sure he wishes), and I thought, “Good for him.  Maybe it will put him in a better mood.” He always walks around, pissed off, mumbling about some thing or other that has pissed him off lately.  And let me tell you, the list appears to be endless.  But, he now had a guest and he seemed excited that she was there so I was hoping for good things.

Sigh.  Why do I even care about other people?  Why?  I never win.

At some point during her visit, his air conditioner broke.  I felt bad for her in that she stayed in his house while he was at work and I’m sure it was uncomfortable even with a fan.  I felt bad for him because here he finally has a guest and this shit happens.  (And that was my first mistake, feeling bad.)

I’m not exactly sure what this person spends his money on but he never has any money.  He had asked me about the air conditioner repairman I used recently, (my a/c went to shit but thankfully was under warranty so I got a new one..hurray!), because the guy I used was out the next day, tried to fix it, realized it needed replacement and was back out with the new unit the next day.  No kidding.  The other neighbors rely on some other old dude who may or may not bother to return your phone calls and may or may not make time for you to look at your a/c unit sometime in the next couple of weeks.  Screw that.  I live for my a/c and I’m not waiting on some old dude to decide he wants my business or not.  So despite the howling protests, (and why on earth do these people CARE who I use, my GOD, I do not get that), I looked up a/c repair people on the internet and called my guy.  (And this was after I placed three phone calls to old dude who never once acknowledged I existed.)

ANYway, he called my guy but because his a/c unit is not under warranty, it was going to cost him $90 to have the guy come out and whatever the charge to fix it.  Neighbor guy does not have the money.  (Really?) So he decided instead to contact “John”...He of the Shitty Underpants.  Yep, my other next door neighbor. “John” or He of the Shitty Underpants, has been known to fix an air conditioner or two in his life time.  Personally I would never let He of the Shitty Underpants touch anything of mine because he’s always tanked and on pills and when it comes time to pay his rent at the beginning of the month, he calls the ambulance instead and gets taken away for yet another “heart attack”.  He’s working the sympathy route, see.  He has plenty of money to drink and smoke and pop pills all month long but cannot come up with money to pay his rent. 

So He of the Shitty Underpants went over to look at the other neighbor’s a/c unit.  Let’s call other neighbor...Cry.  Yes, that perfectly suits him.  Cry needed a new compressor or some shit. 

Ok, fast forward a few days to the beginning of this story.  I, stupidly, asked if he got his a/c fixed.  He told me he had, he said it was the compressor, He of the Shitty Underpants had fixed it and then, with no warning whatsoever, he started yelling, “And I’m cutting down that fucking bamboo tree!”

What the hell?

I said, “What the hell?”

He replied, angrily, “I’m cutting that fucking tree down on my next day off because it’s destroying my house.”

Sigh.  Ok, my yard is small and there is a bamboo tree in my yard between my house and Cry’s house.  Most of the stalks, (I guess they’re called), actually lean towards MY house and I’m constantly having to go to the roof and clean off the leaves as well as in my yard.  The tree can reach over to Cry’s house but I typically do a good job of keeping it trimmed down.

So I stated, “No, you’re not.  I can trim it up if it’s touching anything but you’re not cutting it down.”

I’ll spare you most of the drama that occurred in the following 5 minutes because it entailed him screaming and cursing and yelling that he fucking was cutting it down, fuck me if I didn’t like it, he didn’t care, it was destroying his house, everyone here only cares about themselves and now he’s going to care only about himself and fuck everyone and on and on.  Periodically I would say, “Again, no, you’re not, if you would show me where this destruction is happening, I’ll trim the tree back”.

Finally I got pissed.  I actually had to consult the fucking land owner.  That pissed me off even more.  I explained the situation.  The land owner started laughing saying Cry could never operate a chain saw, don’t worry.  I told him that Cry was determined to cut it down and I was furious.  Land Owner said to tell Cry that it would be trimmed, Cry would not be cutting it down.

I informed Cry of this.  Cry then proceeded to scream and curse again about how he can’t believe I went to Land Owner, curse, curse, curse, curse, curse, scream, froth at the mouth, blow a blood vessel, etc.

So Cry went back and screamed and wet his pants in front of Land Owner.  Land Owner comes back to me and says, “Well, you know, if it’s destroying his house....” I said, “It is NOT destroying his house.  I can trim it back but it does not need to come down.” So Land Owner said to allow me to trim it back.  If that didn’t work then we would cut it down.

What the fuck does the asshole expect me to do?  You can’t fucking speak to me in a civil fucking tone, you can’t fucking listen to reason, you can’t fucking talk calmly and come to a compromise, you just do it your way and fuck the world?  No, asshole fucker, it doesn’t work that way.  He left me no alternative BUT to go this route and that also pissed me off because I can’t stand having to fucking do shit like this over PETTY! ASS! CRAP!  It makes EVERYONE look fucking stupid.

I looked at that tree from every possible angle and could not, for the life of me, figure out what the hell Cry was talking about.  NOTHING touches his fucking house.  He claimed it was when the wind was blowing.  >smack forehead< Are any of you in any way familiar with bamboo trees?  Those stalks are not exactly limber.  They don’t bend and flex all that much in the wind.  I stood at the base of the tree and pushed and pulled on the stalks trying to get one of them to touch Cry’s house and NONE OF THEM moved more than 1/4 inch.  In other words, no they fucking were NOT touching his fucking piece of shit house.

So, yesterday, I hear He of the Shitty Underpants out in his yard with a chain saw.  Oh hell no mother fucker.  I bolted out the door.  Come to find out he was just chopping back branches from some trees that are near our properties “in case of a hurricane”.  Fair enough.

We discussed the destructible bamboo tree, the tree of EVIL!, and HotSU told me that he had cut the limbs back already and Cry helped him carry the limbs to the truck.  Oh, ho ho!  Did we forget to fucking include that bit of information, you asshole, Cry?

This would be why I could not figure out what the hell Cry was crying about.  HotSU showed me where one of the stalks/limbs had been rubbing on a small part of Cry’s house.  Ok, so there was a bit of damage.  Not a lot, nothing that can’t be easily (and I mean, EASILY), fixed.  Ok, though.  But the offending stalk/limb had been trimmed back so there was no problem anymore and no need for the fucking drama queen to insist on taking a chain saw to the whole thing.  Regardless, I had HotSU cut the stalks/limbs (the two he started), lower so that Cry had nothing at all to piss and moan about.  He wanted to chop the entire thing down over a limb.  One fucking limb.

Instead of saying, “Hey, Serenity, you need to keep the tree trimmed because, as you can see here, one of the stalks/limbs grew towards my house and has made that scrape mark you see there.  Please don’t let that happen again.”

Ok! I would have been happy to!

But I didn’t get that fucking kind of respect, now did I?

So, the deal with the Land Owner was that I would trim the tree back from Cry’s house, we would see how that went and if it worked, case closed.  If it appeared that the tree would continue to DESTROY Cry’s house, the whole thing would be chopped down.

I cannot fucking wait to talk to Land Owner.  I’m also taking photographs so that Cry cannot make other claims later on.  He is that kind of person.  And in the end, with Land Owner and Cry both in attendance, I’m going to mention that perhaps I might lend a little more credence to Cry’s claims about caring about his property if he got his fat fucking ass out and washed off the blanket of dark green mold that circles the top part of his house and cleaned the garbage up out of his yard.

Fucking piece of shit.

---

Monday, July 26, 2010

Future

I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to keep doing this site.  I haven’t decided yet but I have to say I’m tired of putting out fluff pieces for the masses.  Oh yah, people always say, “write what you want” but do you know what the fuck happens every single gottdamned time I “write what I want”?  Some asshole comes along and makes a comment about what I’m writing, “You’re better than this” or they don’t find it interesting or some kind of shit. 

I have a completely private journal I’ve been writing in because of that type of shit right there.  Who gives a shit if what I’m writing about is petty ass bullshit?  You know what, kids?  A lot of what I deal with on a day to day basis IS petty ass bullshit.  Right now I’m having a fucking argument with a neighbor over a fucking bamboo tree.  He claims it is “destroying my house”, shouting, screaming, cursing, threatening to take a chain saw, go in to my yard and chop the whole thing down and it’s not even FUCKING TOUCHING HIS GOTTDAMNED HOUSE EVEN WHEN THE WIND BLOWS.

I asked him to show me where this tree is “DESTROYING!!!!!11!!1!!!” his house.  I even set up a specific time.  Did he show?  No.  But he still threatens.  I don’t own the land so it’s not like I can get him on trespassing or things like that so let’s not even go there with that advice.

I like the tree, I want it to say, it doesn’t touch his fucking house and frankly I’m really fucking pissed off over the whole thing because he brought it up, out of the blue, raging and screaming about it and not once has he spoken to me like a fucking calm adult about it and I’m so gottdamned mother fucking pissed off and I want to write it about it here but I don’t feel free to do that because some fucking cock sucking asshole is going to come here and say, “I don’t want to read that shit, I want to read about politics, not petty ass bullshit.”

FUCK!!LK@JKL@JKJRajfknafklsdan!  FUCK!!!!

I wish everyone in my life would stop trying to fucking tell me what to do, stop trying to force what they fucking want down my throat, stop fucking disrespecting me and fucking TALK TO ME LIKE A FUCKING ADULT.  And if you don’t like something, be tactful and nice about it or SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!

I’ve got a lot of rage building right now and if I’m not allowed to get that the fuck out of my system, it’s going to be really bad.  LET ME FUCKING VENT.

---

Life Imitates Art

Several reasons I don’t like to fly and will avoid it at all costs.  Mainly I don’t like being cramped up in a small space for hours on end; I get claustrophobia.  I also have a hard time trusting every person who works on that plane from the beginning of the build to the maintenance to the pilots.  Years ago I was a courier in Seattle and often times I would deliver parts for a certain large company, well known throughout the world.  I cannot possibly tell you how many times I would walk in to those facilities and one of the following two things would happen:

a) Most of the people I saw were on break and refused to assist in any way when looking for column D3 because they were too lazy or had absolutely no idea where column D3 was located.  And I am not kidding in the slightest when I say that one time, I had a package to be delivered to an individual at column D3, was having a hard time finding it, (and it’s exhausting walking around these huge buildings), I asked for help from someone I saw eating a sandwich, he stated he did not know where column D3 was located, I walked and walked and walked and walked and finally, I found column D3.  It was right next to the fricken place sandwich eater was sitting.  You’re fucking kidding me, right?

b) I would hand over the part, they would sign for it and throw it on to a conveyor belt.  Not place it there, not gently put it down, throw it.  In fact, they made jokes about the sound it might make and how it was actually the company’s new name.  ("That’s why we call it ‘Boing!’”, they would chortle.) Yah, how nice.  I’m delivering a part to put on an aircraft and these twats are throwing them around without a care in the world. 

Some years ago there was a plane crash off the coast of California.  It was coming back from Mexico, had a stop at LAX and was going to continue on to Seattle.  The plane crashed in to the Pacific Ocean-I can’t remember if it was shortly after take off from LAX or before landing at LAX.  It was on the news all over in Seattle because there were a number of Seattle residents on that plane.  Come to find out that the cause of the crash was a faulty part and that someone who knew about this had tried to warn about this faulty part for quite some time.  He was let go, called a “whistle blower” and basically ostracized.  They gave this guy a bunch of shit and he was right.  But no one wanted to fucking do anything about it until after the plane crashed. 

I’m supposed to trust these people with my life?

I’m not really concerned about terrorists, to be honest.  Sure, I don’t want any of them on my plane but I think that if I’m going to die anyway, I would do something like those guys on the plane on 9/11.  People say, “You don’t know what you would do, you would probably sit there, scared and not do anything.” HA!  Have you fucking met me?!  The hell I would.  I’m not going to sit by and let some sand nit dictate how I’m going to behave before dying.  If I’m going to die anyway, I’m going to fuck up their plans.  People focus a lot on the firefighters and police and such with 9/11, (yes, they were also heroes, don’t misinterpret what I’m saying), but I think more focus should be put on those who took down the terrorists in that plane.  They died anyway but damn, people, they died trying.  That’s a hero.  Those are the kinds of people little kids should be looking up to when deciding how they are going to act in life, not the over paid sports celebrities who are always getting caught doing something stupid or illegal.

Anyway, the final thing that keeps me from flying is the airlines and TSA themselves.  They’ve been coming up with some pretty stupid rules lately, ("your hands must be in view at all times for the last hour of the flight” oh fucking shut up), but what really grinds my pepper is the new charges they keep piling on that never used to be there.  We’ve already spent hundreds of dollars on a ticket and any special requests or extra baggage we have; and that’s fine.  But no, I’m not paying extra to carry on a knapsack, having a snack, meal or drink, (non alcoholic), or to use a blanket or pillow.  That’s total bullshit.  They’re looking to make up costs but they’re looking in the wrong places.  Find out what is driving people away from flying not charge them up the ass for every last thing. 

I used to love flying when I was younger.  I thought it was thrilling and I remember on my very first plane trip across country at age 14, I could not wipe the grin off of my face.  Now?  It’s only if there absolutely, positively is no other possible way to get there that I will fly and even then it’s going to take some serious thinking.  The airlines have been trying to make all kinds of money in these ridiculous charges left and right when what they’ve done is completely lost my business.  Instead of granting me a fucking carry on, free of charge, they get no money from me at all.

This may be funny right now but these guys have a knack for coming up with things years earlier that comes out to be a little true, later on:

I think I’ll enjoy my car, instead.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

No Wonder

That explains why he wants to sue them.

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"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

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